On problems, prep-work and painting...

   

  In the past I have tried painting the walls and the trim of my house. I would buy test paint, test it, select a color, buy the paint, the brushes, the rollers, the masking tape, the masking paper - move a few things out of the way and start painting! It worked beautifully for the first few minutes as I was rejoicing at the new color going up on my walls. Then invariably paint would spray on the floor in a place where I hadn't covered adequately. Down the ladder I would go to get a rag and water - mop it up... now there was a stain on the carpet. Then I would discover I had gotten the paint on the trim, the line between the ceiling and the wall was sloppy, my arms hurt, my back was killing me.... and I would have an end result that I was very unhappy with.

  During the last two re-models of our house I have been blessed to work with a team of painters that are state of the art. And every time it has annoyed me to no end how long they take getting going. I mean they move everything completely out of the house, put up masking tape, masking paper, plastic sheets, more paper, more plastic..... and finally after what seems like days of this, they finally get the paint out of the truck where it has been hiding. And before I know it they are done. And the result is flawlessly beautiful. Amazing. When you compare to the slop-job I was able to produce.

     And so I have realized that their amazing prep-job, the painstaking attention to detail before they even start, is what allows them the results that I was unable to get with my more hap-hazard methods!

     It is really like that when we decide to have a conversation with our boss/co-worker or someone in our family too. If we do not accurately assess the scope of the situation, we are likely to arrive at a half-mended, sloppy result. If we just jump into the conversation without really having thought about the scope of the issue, we are likely to have unfinished business, misunderstandings - virtual sloppy lines and messy floors!

     So the prep-work to having a meaningful and productive meeting/conversation can make all the difference. Sometimes without this prep work we end up talking about a situation from a much too superficial and one-sided perspective. We miss what might be at the core of the issue. And so we might have the "same conversation" over and over again without ever really getting it resolved.

Here are a couple of prep-work questions you might ask yourself in advance of your next important conversation. Questions like:

1. What is it that I really do not want to talk about/bring up?
2. What is really at the core of this issue?
3. What is my ideal outcome?
4. What is the other person(s)' ideal outcome?
5. How can we establish a win-win conversation?
6. What is our mutual benefit of finding a solution?

On the other side of such a conversation, might be the feeling of clarification and resolve you were hoping for. Just adequately defining what the problem is - could make all the difference.

Grass Always Greener Where?

     You know these people: There is never anything good about the situation in which they happen to be in presently. It will always be better when......or it would be better if only.... or they can't wait until.......They move around in their life looking either forward to things or reminiscing over events from the past. They exist in a space in constant oscillation between nostalgia for lost times and impatience about things to come!

     They move from relationship to relationship, from job to job, from place to place - and there is always something wrong that makes the "old times" appear idyllic - or a look forward to when things will be improved. They say things like: "I can't wait until I retire",  "I hate my job", "things were better in the old days", "people were smarter/better back when".

     And they find themselves stuck in this rat-race of present day reality. And since they are ever looking forward or backward - they find that this very moment is passing them by. And lo and behold a decade later they look back at how things were right now - and find it to be so much better than how things became. Retirement was not at all all it was cracked up to be, the next job or relationship was actually "worse", the town they moved to was either too big or too small - and disillusionment invariably sets in again and again.

     Recognize this? Well, I do believe we all have this tendency in our thought process from time to time. And without fail it is a sign to stop up and smell the roses - to realize that fantasizing about the past or longing for the future is not living. What once was and what is to come is merely memories or projections.

     So next time you encounter a "grass is always greener on the other side" person, or you find that tendency in yourself, just stop and notice that you are doing it. "I am now living in the past or the future". Then take a look at how you might be able to switch into action mode. What incentives can you do to bring your energy into the present moment? What is it about the past or what hope about the future is it that you miss in your current situation? How can you start bringing these lacking elements right into your present day reality? What is right about where you are at this very moment? And what can you do to change it to make it even better? What step(s) can you take right now?

     Before you know it you might find that instead of walking around looking over the fences of time to the pastures of past and future, you start watering the grass under your feet here and now. And who knows - the color green might be there right under your own feet!

Beepers, Bleep'ers and Blinkers

   

So we are in Paris a few summers ago and about to leave our quaint hotel in Montmartre to drive down to the French Riviera. I have rented a car and need to pull over in the tiny side street where there is no room to park - no room to pull over so we can load our luggage into the trunk. I call Walter, my darling husband, and tell him to bring our three boys, the luggage and himself down into the lobby - and I will just pull over and we can throw the luggage in and go. He states that he has scoped out a place for me to pull over though - and this will allow us more time to organize the trunk... Fine...

      I drive up the little one-way street - and husband is standing there directing me into this space between two metal poles and a giant dumpster. I am not exactly the queen of parallel parking... so I attempt it by going "head first" into the space. And the result is that the back of the car sticks out, blocking the road and the traffic behind me. Hubby runs to my rescue. We already have a line of cars behind me... And not only are they behind me - they are ALL the way up behind me. Hubby jumps in - I have turned on the emergency blinkers and he tells me he will handle it. Well, he finds a French stick shift Renault (that had seen better days) - and nothing is intuitive or where you'd expect with regards to the controls. Especially not where reverse might be on this stick. He yells to me: "How do I get this piece of sh.. into reverse?" I explain it the best I know how - and lo and behold - he manages to get it into reverse. Ready to back up- but... he finds he is completely blocked in by the cars that are now beeping - incessantly - deafening behind him... He cannot back up - he is stuck.... At this point the kids and I disappear into the lobby of the hotel - petrified.... Peeking out behind the lace curtains I overhear the father of my children as he is getting out of the car gesticulating wildly: "I GOTTA BACK UP" (New Jersey accent always finds a happy return to Walter's language, when he is under stress - as does the wild gestures...). The drivers in the cars behind him are revving their engines and beeping even louder. I seem to become instantly psychic as I think I hear the inner dialogue in the French cars:"américains stupides..." However, it seems lost on them that my husband cannot move out of their way as long as they keep fencing him in. His Jersey logic about needing to back up...  was lost on the Parisians.... I guess in Paris you have gear that allows levitation? So they beep ever louder... At this point the kids and I are practically hiding - trying to stay completely invisible, as the clerk behind the desk is starting to find the scene outside entertaining and is curiously watching....
     Walter finally snaps... he leaves our car completely and runs up to the first car that has planted its headlights right at the beatup back bumper of of our pale yellow rental Renault.... he walks to the driver's side of the first car, and screams at the heavyhanded beeping driver with sweeping hand gestures letting it be known that this is meant for all in the line who are beeping: "Well, F... YOU!!!" The kids and I in the lobby look at each other, and in one terrifying moment we see the headlines from the next morning's paper flashing before our eyes: "American loud-mouth lynched in Paris!" And then our oldest son starts laughing uncontrolably.... Our youngest chimes in - and soon all four of us are laughing out of control... The absurdity of the situation combined with the absolute fear of death - laughter seems to be the only way to deal....
     And much to our surprise - suddenly the beeping in the street outside stops - the cars collectively back up just enough to allow Walter to get out and the lynching is averted! Walter is last seen turning the corner with the "tail" of Parisian cars at a respectful distance behind him. And then there is silence.... The kids and I have tears coming down our cheeks from laughter - but after 10 minutes have passed - we start to worry. Where is our beat up pale yellow Renault, with the steaming New Jerseyite in it? Where is the love of my life...?? He was supposed to just circle around the little system of one-way streets and end up coming back to our hotel... At this point new headlines start to appear in my consciousness: "Lonely and Lost American Crashes into the Eiffel Tower".
     After about 15 minutes we see him turn the corner of our little street and come up towards us. The emergency blinkers are still going - and he also accidentally has turned on the windshield wipers in his fogged up state - and unable to know what he had done - they are going at warp speed. Or maybe it is his attempt at levitating the car?
     Anyway, as he pulls up - we throw our suitcases in, the kids jump in and away we go with me reading simultaneously from maps of Paris as well as the manual of the car to figure out how to turn all of this blinking and wiping off - it is a clear, sunny day after all...

     In all of its chaotic frenzy - it is one of our favorite memories as a family. We still laugh heartily when we think of it. And it is a standing joke among us when we have to back up out of parking spaces - "I GOTTA BACK UP"  

     I guess in vacations as in life you plan and try to make everything go smooth. And then something completely unexpected happens that throws all plans away and scares you! And sometimes this very unexpected and terrifying event becomes the best memory of all, as you handled it, managed to survive and find your way through the one-way road system -  beepers, bleep'ers, blinkers, wipers  and all!

Are you a Professional Energy Waster?

     So many of us do  it... We walk around unconsciously wasting our time and energy on things we don't even want to do. We live in the world of "have to". We plug away working ever harder, and it seems we get less and less done.

     When we live life in a state of not being aware, we spread ourselves thin. We work ourselves to the bone. We get exhausted. This is what happens when our energy is caught up in what Andrew Harvey calls our "Universal ADD." We are busy with a million things and thoughts all at once, yet feel we do none of it well. We are inundated with input all day long, and still at the end of the day have a sense that we didn't really complete any of it well, or that what we did was not really satisfying.

     Yet, when we are conscious and deliberate, we discover that we are in control and we focus and concentrate much better. We choose our actions. We focus our energy with clarity. We concentrate on each moment with clear presence of mind. This is where we enter the world of "want to". We enjoy the smile from our co-worker (we are actually able to observe it,) we taste the sweetness of each moment no matter what we are doing.

     So what is the difference? It is simply being aware that what you are doing is a choice. It is what you choose to do in this very moment! This means that you are being conscious; it is a deliberate commitment you are making!

     In reality this is what this everyday kind of consciousness feels like:

      If you have a cup of coffee, enjoy it! If you are at your desk working - set mini goals and timelines for yourself and pat yourself on the back when you accomplish each one. If you do stuff you "have to do" - do it with a focus of what the task will mean to you. What will be the outcome of this task for you? How will you feel when you have done it successfully?

     Have a deliberate, energetic and aware day!

    

What is Life Coaching?

Often we have no clue what we really want!

We just sense that our wheels are spinning, and we also are aware that we are not really "getting anywhere." We seem to use a good deal of effort, yet we get pennies on the dollar with regards to return on our "energy investment."We might feel exhausted and a large part of our energy appears to be wasted. We do not get the results we want. We find ourselves easily frustrated, angered or saddened. We might feel out of control, depressed or anxious!

Life is not a spectator sport, yet we might feel that we are sitting in the bleachers watching other people play the game, while we are wasting all our time and energy simply cheering or jeering. "Life is hard," we say and shrug our shoulders!

                                  Yet, it doesn't have to be that way!

Coaching can help you to connect those spinning wheels to the track!

And what happens? Well, you start moving in the direction of your choosing! You are no longer merely watching the game being played, you are playing it! You discover that just like an athlete you can train your success muscles and experience them grow and become increasingly adept at handling every activity you choose to participate in! You realize that winning or losing is not what truly matters – all that matters is that you play! And that you learn to focus your energy to work for exactly what you want, rather than wasting it on what you really do not want. Now you also discover that you can be infinitely more efficient and loving towards other people in your life.

It is not just you that benefits! It is everybody around you!

Larger than Life Coaching takes people from merely "ok" to optimal! We help our clients to connect to their passion in new ways. Clients discover their innate power. Not power over others, but power to be who they truly are! This is where those spinning wheels get traction! And it gets exciting to see what happens! As a train or a stage coach moves from station to station, you build on success after success.

You discover that not only do you have all it takes for you to live the life you want, everything you have ever experienced has given you exactly the tools you need to achieve it!

Visit my Website to read more and feel free to e-mail me with any questions you have.